Jimmy, Bob, Larry, Ida, Ronnie Baby, Sam, Paulie, Myra, Eleanor, Tom, Joey, Roxie, Cheryl, Mary, Bev, and Connie. These are the names of the people we have lost in the past 76 months. We average a major death and funeral every 4.47 months. The worst part is, I keep thinking I'm missing someone from that list and if I have, I feel terrible. Sometimes it just feels like it never ends.
I recently joked on Facebook that I'm the only person, besides my husband, that I know who goes on vacation and has a funeral to attend while on it, purely by coincidence. I keep wondering when we'll get a break. And I keep thinking, not for a long time. I'm not complaining. I'm here in San Antonio, Brian is at a work conference and I'm "on vacation". My cousin Connie passed away the day we were packing and due to leave for our trip. I got the text message and turned to my husband and said "pack your suit" and grabbed 2 of my summer funeral dresses. He didn't even blink. It's business as usual for us. (Am I the only person I know who has funeral clothes for all seasons at the ready all of the time?) I'm grateful. I came here hoping to see some of my cousins. I saw all of them. We were able to give them two more hugs, two more kisses, two more kind words, two more smiles (and my husband's smile can light up a room!) than they would have had. We were able to give them just a little more love, caring, concern, and support. It's the best thing any of us have to offer.
And maybe that's why now. Together, my husband and I can weather the storms. Together we can find the strength. I could not be this strong without him. I don't know if he'd say the same, I hope so, I hope I give him that. Maybe that's why now. Maybe that's why we met when we did. To support each other so we could support others. It has been a rough 6+ years for many that we love. We have been fortunate enough to be able to be there for them, as they have been there for us.
I had been feeling beaten down by my "professional mourner" status. Now I'm thinking it's a blessing, a gift. To be here, to be steadfast, to be strong, to be able to love my family and friends more than I knew I could. To give them more than I knew I had. And to have it because I have more than I ever thought I would. It's hard and it's no fun. It's reminding me that everything happens for a reason. And our reason is each other. I'm more grateful than I was. More giving than I was. More hopeful than I was.
To all those we've lost, I remember you. I remember the stories I heard about you if I never had the pleasure to meet you. To all those we have, I hold you in my heart and love you dearly. We will be here if you have need of us.
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
Monday, September 28, 2015
3 Inches Up!
That's where the world is happening, folks, 3 inches up. Look up from your damn phone, iPad, laptop, what the hell ever! The world and the people around you are 3 inches up.
We, as adults, keep blaming the kids, but it's not just them. It's us. I'm just shocked and disgusted. This weekend has been an awful eye opener, and it just keeps getting worse. I watched an adult friend sit on the porch with me, and Facebook. This is one of my dearest dearest friends who I see once every year or two. Here we are, having coffee on my front porch, and he's Facebooking. At one point we were sitting there, I had no phone and no laptop. When I commented that it was strange to sit on my porch with no electronics, he offered to get his iPad for me. Really? How about a conversation? Maybe one that doesn't involve videos, or pictures on a phone or reading me what some person I don't know said to you on Facebook? I watched him interact with my son, and that's how they communicated, showing each other videos, pictures, interwebs. What the hell is going on? We can't just sit and talk? We can't rehash old memories or bring each other up to date? Is the sole interaction in my life going to be what you put on Facebook? You can't tell me something? A story? Catch me up on our mutual friends? Remember, like we used to? AND YES, I'm calling you out on my blog! I'm not telling you to your face because apparently if it's not electronic, it's not worth knowing, hearing, learning, whatever!
Why is it more important to let the 500 people you're "friends" with, most of whom you don't even really know or socialize with in real life, it's more important to tell them that you're at Six Penn eating the best Pork Loin EVER, instead of the person sitting across the table from you, who may or may not be buying you that pork loin? Or after a show, you've got to post your review on Facebook instead of discussing it with the person who sat next to you through the whole damn thing? What the hell? Here's my take, I just dropped a ton of money on this evening, and you're more worried about telling some person you haven't seen in 17 years that cocktails at Meat & Potatoes are amazing? WTF, seriously? I just dropped a bill and you don't want to fuss over me? F that! AND BTW, I'm pointing out all the abbreviations I'm using! See next paragraph.
No wonder this country is filled with ADD. No one can pay attention to a damn thing for more than 2 seconds. Or even read a whole damn word! (If you've gotten this far into this blog, congratufricklations!) Hell, apparently that's what Snapchat is. Not only is it just a picture with a caption, I only get how many seconds to look at it and then it's gone? Why? WTF? WTF? Why? Why? Why can I only see it once? Why is there a time limit? Why is there no time to enjoy, think, reflect? WTH? I'm not supposed to think? I'm not supposed to reflect? I'm not supposed to revisit? Holy hell. Every thing is short term and disposal, even thoughts. This is just stupid.
An now I'm sitting here, our friend is moving, we won't see him much at all. 3 times this evening I've been interrupted in conversation for someone to show someone something on their phone. What the hell? And it's not just me, they've been interrupting each other. And the worst part is that once they interrupt to show this most important damn phone picture or video, I'm the only one who seems to remember that someone hasn't finished what they were telling me about and now I'm never ever going to hear how the story ends.
Here's what I'm saying, this is bullshit. Put your goddamned phones down. Don't rely on the goddamned interwebs to provide conversation and stories for yourself. You're a person, you have a life, things happen every day! Seriously, I don't give a shit about pets and babies, but I'd much rather hear what your cat did than damned grumpy cat! Believe it or not, your cat is more interesting to me and I don't find cats all that interesting, and I HAVE one!
Put the damn phone down for Christ's sake! Connect with your people, believe it or not, they want to connect with you. And hell, if they don't, I do. I want to connect. I want to hear about you. And this is coming from someone who doesn't always get social cues! I FINALLY get that I have to listen more and learn what the hell you people are about and right when I do, you all are addicted to your damn phones! How am I ever supposed to learn? I'm trying. I'm really trying. If you would all only look up 3 inches, I'd have a better shot. I might get to be a part of all of you instead of always feeling I'm on the outside looking in. No wonder all these kids are being diagnosed with some form of autism or another, how can you learn to connect with people when all the people are only connected to electronics?
We, as adults, keep blaming the kids, but it's not just them. It's us. I'm just shocked and disgusted. This weekend has been an awful eye opener, and it just keeps getting worse. I watched an adult friend sit on the porch with me, and Facebook. This is one of my dearest dearest friends who I see once every year or two. Here we are, having coffee on my front porch, and he's Facebooking. At one point we were sitting there, I had no phone and no laptop. When I commented that it was strange to sit on my porch with no electronics, he offered to get his iPad for me. Really? How about a conversation? Maybe one that doesn't involve videos, or pictures on a phone or reading me what some person I don't know said to you on Facebook? I watched him interact with my son, and that's how they communicated, showing each other videos, pictures, interwebs. What the hell is going on? We can't just sit and talk? We can't rehash old memories or bring each other up to date? Is the sole interaction in my life going to be what you put on Facebook? You can't tell me something? A story? Catch me up on our mutual friends? Remember, like we used to? AND YES, I'm calling you out on my blog! I'm not telling you to your face because apparently if it's not electronic, it's not worth knowing, hearing, learning, whatever!
Why is it more important to let the 500 people you're "friends" with, most of whom you don't even really know or socialize with in real life, it's more important to tell them that you're at Six Penn eating the best Pork Loin EVER, instead of the person sitting across the table from you, who may or may not be buying you that pork loin? Or after a show, you've got to post your review on Facebook instead of discussing it with the person who sat next to you through the whole damn thing? What the hell? Here's my take, I just dropped a ton of money on this evening, and you're more worried about telling some person you haven't seen in 17 years that cocktails at Meat & Potatoes are amazing? WTF, seriously? I just dropped a bill and you don't want to fuss over me? F that! AND BTW, I'm pointing out all the abbreviations I'm using! See next paragraph.
No wonder this country is filled with ADD. No one can pay attention to a damn thing for more than 2 seconds. Or even read a whole damn word! (If you've gotten this far into this blog, congratufricklations!) Hell, apparently that's what Snapchat is. Not only is it just a picture with a caption, I only get how many seconds to look at it and then it's gone? Why? WTF? WTF? Why? Why? Why can I only see it once? Why is there a time limit? Why is there no time to enjoy, think, reflect? WTH? I'm not supposed to think? I'm not supposed to reflect? I'm not supposed to revisit? Holy hell. Every thing is short term and disposal, even thoughts. This is just stupid.
An now I'm sitting here, our friend is moving, we won't see him much at all. 3 times this evening I've been interrupted in conversation for someone to show someone something on their phone. What the hell? And it's not just me, they've been interrupting each other. And the worst part is that once they interrupt to show this most important damn phone picture or video, I'm the only one who seems to remember that someone hasn't finished what they were telling me about and now I'm never ever going to hear how the story ends.
Here's what I'm saying, this is bullshit. Put your goddamned phones down. Don't rely on the goddamned interwebs to provide conversation and stories for yourself. You're a person, you have a life, things happen every day! Seriously, I don't give a shit about pets and babies, but I'd much rather hear what your cat did than damned grumpy cat! Believe it or not, your cat is more interesting to me and I don't find cats all that interesting, and I HAVE one!
Put the damn phone down for Christ's sake! Connect with your people, believe it or not, they want to connect with you. And hell, if they don't, I do. I want to connect. I want to hear about you. And this is coming from someone who doesn't always get social cues! I FINALLY get that I have to listen more and learn what the hell you people are about and right when I do, you all are addicted to your damn phones! How am I ever supposed to learn? I'm trying. I'm really trying. If you would all only look up 3 inches, I'd have a better shot. I might get to be a part of all of you instead of always feeling I'm on the outside looking in. No wonder all these kids are being diagnosed with some form of autism or another, how can you learn to connect with people when all the people are only connected to electronics?
Monday, January 26, 2015
I keep My Light On
My front light that it is. It has a blue ribbon on it. You see, some time before Christmas someone put something on Facebook about putting a blue ribbon out to let the police force know you support them and are thinking about them during the holiday season. I put the ribbon up, I turned my light on. But you see, the thing is, they're always out there, they're always looking out for us, they're always away from their families.
So, the light is on, the ribbon is up. It will stay on and it will stay up, until I find a bigger ribbon for them. Maybe we don't want to forget them. Hmmmmm, maybe I add a yellow ribbon too. Anybody have any other ribbons I need to add? Because I will. Seems like such a small thing to do to say thank you to those who serve.
That is all. Just think about it. Maybe you want to say thank you.
So, the light is on, the ribbon is up. It will stay on and it will stay up, until I find a bigger ribbon for them. Maybe we don't want to forget them. Hmmmmm, maybe I add a yellow ribbon too. Anybody have any other ribbons I need to add? Because I will. Seems like such a small thing to do to say thank you to those who serve.
That is all. Just think about it. Maybe you want to say thank you.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
What The Hell Is Going On In My Bathroom?
I need someone to explain this to me. So far I've figured out it has to do with the 2 men that live in my house. I don't know who's fault it is, I suspect they're both in on it, but I cannot, for the life of me, figure out how the hell they get pee everywhere? I'm not even sure they make it into the bowl most of the time, some of the time? sure, but not most of the time. Ok, maybe it's not quite as bad as all that, but I'm still confused! The wall? On the baseboard? The side of cupboard? The floor? BEHIND the toilet?And my personal favorite, under the sink! (I'm guessing this one involved someone who had to pee way to badly and it just escaped, but what do I know.) Maybe I should just take solace in the fact that there isn't any on the ceiling. Yet. I'm sure it's just a matter of time. Hmm, how would THAT happen? A poorly timed sneeze I'm guessing.
I just don't get it. They can't be sneezing EVERY time they're in there. What do they even DO in there? Seriously? What happens? It's a big enough target, isn't it? Should I put flashy lights in there? Would that help their aim? We've got a frosted window, so they can't be looking out there daydreaming. I got nothing, no ideas. Paint the inside of the bowl with a target? Or the face of an archenemy maybe? Rig it so a bell rings if they hit the target for 10 seconds in a row and they get a prize? Is this my new million dollar idea? Toilet Targets?
Of course they both deny it. They both claim it just HAS to be the other one. They both have PERFECT aim. But obviously, they don't. I'm about to boycott cleaning that entire side of the bathroom, forever!
This is why I hate, no double triple hate, cleaning the bathroom. Every week I'm shaking my head, trying to figure out what the hell is going on in there. It's a mystery, that will remain a mystery.
I just don't get it. They can't be sneezing EVERY time they're in there. What do they even DO in there? Seriously? What happens? It's a big enough target, isn't it? Should I put flashy lights in there? Would that help their aim? We've got a frosted window, so they can't be looking out there daydreaming. I got nothing, no ideas. Paint the inside of the bowl with a target? Or the face of an archenemy maybe? Rig it so a bell rings if they hit the target for 10 seconds in a row and they get a prize? Is this my new million dollar idea? Toilet Targets?
Of course they both deny it. They both claim it just HAS to be the other one. They both have PERFECT aim. But obviously, they don't. I'm about to boycott cleaning that entire side of the bathroom, forever!
This is why I hate, no double triple hate, cleaning the bathroom. Every week I'm shaking my head, trying to figure out what the hell is going on in there. It's a mystery, that will remain a mystery.
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