I lie to my husband about everything.

I do, and he loves it.  We also have a marriage based on trust.  No topic is safe.  I lie about drug use, alcohol abuse, molestation, physical abuse, mental and physical health issues, checking account balances, credit card debt, sexual orientation and preferences, criminal activity, jail time, theology, even infidelity.  It's not just him I lie to,  I lie to everybody.  Everybody knows.  Everybody loves me for it.

I lie because I have to, my integrity demands it.  My husband may look out the front door to see me talking on the phone with so-and-so, pacing the sidewalk, a serious look on my face, maybe sadness.  When I come in and he asks "How's so-and-so doing?".  I answer "Great!".  He knows I'm lying.  If so-and-so is doing great, why did I look so upset?  He doesn't ask.  This is his cue, I'm lying because so-and-so has asked me to keep a confidence.

A friend of mine began a conversation with "I know I can trust you to keep my confidence...".  I've been thinking about that for a while now.  It's a great phrase, "keeping a confidence", but how often do we really examine those words and think about what they mean?  It's more than just keeping a secret, it's giving others the ability to keep confidence in your trustworthiness, protectiveness, respect, kindness, generosity, understanding, giving your family and friends the ability to keep confidence in you.

I hear so many people say "I tell my husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend everything".  If you do, then you're truly a terrible friend/sibling/child/etc.!  There are some things you had better learn to keep to yourself.     People trust me.  I want to keep that trust.  There was nothing in my vows that said "I promise to tell you everything about everybody we know even when they ask me not to."  We're married.  I married him, no one else did, which means he has no rights to other people's privacy, just mine.

We share private information all too easily.  We've taken away boundaries to the point that when they are requested we do a poor job of maintaining them.   Pictures on Instagram that we have no business sharing, fights with family members on Facebook, attacks on the neighbors on Twitter.  Is it any wonder that when someone shares something private and personal it ends up public knowledge?  Sometimes it seems innocent enough, you can tell your co worker about the dirty laundry your best friend just dumped on you, they're never going to meet, where's the harm?  The harm is, whether your friend ever finds out you shared their private information or not, you broke the confidence they placed in you.

We also don't consider how sharing the information might color the view for someone else.  To the best of my knowledge, no one I know is having an affair right now, so I'll use that as an example.  Let's pretend I have a friend named Suri.  Suri comes to me and tells me, in confidence, that she just found out her husband had an affair.  They're going to counseling, they're determined to work through it, she just needed to share the burden with someone.  I've listened, I'm going to support my friend's decision whether I agree with it or not, it's not my place to judge.  Now, I come home and tell my husband.  How is that going to change his view of Suri or her husband?  What will that do to the friendship dynamic they all had before?  My husband has very strong views on infidelity.  It may ruin something that should have been fine.  For all I know, Suri and her husband are going to get through this swimmingly and by telling, I've not only ruined the view my husband had of them, but I've also broken trust.  If they wanted my husband, or my hairdresser, or my checkout girl at the grocery store, or my Grandmother to know they would have told them!

So here we are, on a 3 hour driving trip.  My husband was dozing and I was thinking about issues other people are going through and how grateful I am for the life we are having at this moment.  Sure, we have struggles, but we can handle them, others around us are not so lucky right now.  He woke up and asked me what I was thinking about that made me look so sadly.  I told him I was thinking about something private someone had recently told me and feeling badly for them.  He said "who?", I just smiled.  He went through a list of a few people and I just kept smiling, not answering him.  Finally I said, "We're fine.  I'm not thinking about us.  I'm also not going to tell you what I'm thinking about, it's not your business.  It was told to me in confidence."  He dropped it right then.  Why?  Because I keep his confidence and he knows how valuable that can be.

I want everyone around us to feel confident in me.  The best way to do that is to keep their confidence. Trust is so hard to earn, so easy to lose, almost impossible to rebuild and worth everything if you can find it.

So, the next time you're entrusted with something private, keep it to yourself.  And lie to your significant other about it!  If the confidence was meant for them, they would be told as well.

Underwear

Let's talk about underwear, the under rated undergarment.  My underwear is frequently a topic of conversation.  You can't see my underwear, I certainly don't run around with my panties creeping up past the waist of my jeans, but I'm very outspoken about them.  I hang my bra and panties in sets in the closet!  Why?  1.  It makes it so easy to just grab a set and get dressed rather than dig around a drawer!  and 2. It's my favorite part of my wardrobe.  We all know beauty is beneath the surface, well, so is underwear!

I'm not sure who taught the women of the world that pretty panties are for special occaisions only, but life is a special occasion, every day!  Let's celebrate with our underwear!  I'm also not sure who taught these same women that pretty panties are not comfortable or that you only need 5 bras.  Hello!  There are more than 5 days in the week!  And why do we, as women, think it's ok to grab any bra and any panties from the drawer and throw them on?  You wouldn't do that with a pair of pants and a shirt and hope for the best!  Put some thought into it, girls!  Match them!  Be pretty!  You wouldn't do that on that "special" night with your boyfriend, husband, girlfriend, whomever, would you?  Plan every day as if it's that night, who knows, with any luck, it just might turn into that night!

So, what's the deal with my underwear?  My underwear is awesome, everyday.  I worked at Victoria's Secret for a short time.  This is what I learned:  When a woman came in to buy some pretty little something for her anniversary, wedding day, special date night I noticed she never walked out the way she walked in.  Something about that little pink on pink bag put a smile on her face, a spring in her step.   Shoulders were straighter, head a bit higher, a little Mona Lisa smirk.  I wondered about this.  Oh sure, I could explain the importance of being properly fitted every year, the craftsmanship in a good bra, color choice, blah blah.  What I couldn't explain was the look, the confidence.  I started to wonder, if a red bra and panty set in a bag could do that, what happens when you're wearing it?  At the time I bought my underwear in packs.  As an employee we periodically got special offers, I might have worked there, but I couldn't afford to shop there!  When my first special offer day came, I bought it.  A goldenrod lace and satin bra and panty set with a choice of panty styles.  I bought my very first thong, I was 26 years old.  It changed my life, truly it did.

That weekend I went, as I often did, dancing with my friends.  We weren't there to pick up men, just dance.  I wore the same black and white dress that I had worn a million times before, and my new panty set.  As I got dressed, I felt it, sexy.  I didn't look in the mirror, I just put on my new thong and matching lacy bra.  There was no mistaking it, I felt like I was the sexiest thing ever, I must've been, after all, I was wearing a thong!  Only sexy women wear thongs!  We went dancing and for the first time I felt I could have any man there, no matter that I didn't want a man, I was happy on my own for the first time in my life.

My love affair with my underthings began that night.  It became a mission.  Sure, I couldn't buy where I worked, my Marshalls had undies, TJMaxx had undies.  I began looking and realized I could afford pretty things.  I also found that more than all cotton was comfortable!  I added lacy things, satiny things, silky things, thongs, g-strings, boy shorts, bikini briefs, hipsters, demi-cup, french, push up, water, full coverage.  In no time I had a under wardrobe and an over wardrobe.  I paid attention to the brands, finding the ones that fit me best and were comfortable.  Here's how comfortable those sexy pretty little things can be:  I sleep in my bra every night in an effort to fight gravity and not one of the bothers me!  Not all undies are comfy, but you can find the ones that are, same as I did, and not go broke doing it!

That was 16 years ago and I am still in love with my underwear.  I've learned that it doesn't really matter what my outerwear is, because I know what my underwear is.  A pair of sweats and an old sweater is covering a black and red lacy set.  My favorite jeans and college sweatshirt covers a pink satin with white bows set.  My best pinstripe suit is hiding a polka dot set.  Don't let that tea dress fool you, there's a white lace set with red stripes under it!  The thing is this, I know what the pretty underneath is, and it doesn't matter if anyone else does, I know how pretty I feel.  I finally got what Victoria's Secret is.

I spent 5 years decidedly single.  Learning to live with and love me.  And then Brian came into my life. Now we're married, and guess what, he loves my underwear!  No matter what has happened during the day, at the end, I'm going to get undressed and put on my jammies, but there is that moment where I feel sexy and he sees something pretty or sexy or naughty, or whatever choice I made that morning and we are both happy.  That doesn't mean we're going to engage, if you will, it just means that for a moment, we both know I went to a little trouble, for both of us.  Even if we're too done up for the day.  It's just a little thing, but isn't that what life is made up of?  One little thing after another that adds up a a beautiful sculpture that is your life?

So, women of the world:  Reclaim your under beauty!  Whether you are single, married, whatever, remember, you are a woman, and a beautiful one at that!  Feel it!  It starts with your underwear.

Men of the world:  Quit being afraid of the lingerie section!  Go find something to show the woman in your life that she should feel pretty all the time, because she is!