Every child needs someone in their corner. Every child needs to know how important and valued they are. What they don't need is to believe that the world is going to feel that way about them. We need to prepare our children to be disliked, to be one of many, to be passed over, to lose, to fail because those things will happen and when they do we should want our children to be strong, to press on and to keep their self esteem intact. Mr. Rogers said "You are special to me". He believed every person is precious, but not everyone is Mr. Rogers. Your child is going to meet those not-Mr.-Rogers far more than not.
How did my generation forget those very important 2 words? To Me. I know they did. I'm surrounded by children with an attitude of entitlement all the time. Children who have no concept of being told "no", think they should be in the middle of every adult conversation, and expect a reward for every little thing they do. Look, here's the truth, your kid ain't that special! My kid ain't that special! Well, yes he is, To Me. Why do I feel forced to think other people's children are awesome. Some of them are. I know some really terrific youngsters. I also know some really irritating ones. Quit telling your children they are the most wonderful thing ever! They're not. They're human and filled with flaws just like every other child out there.
My son is special. To me. I don't expect him to be special to you. He doesn't expect to be special to you. He's not yours. He has to earn that place in your life. It's not a right. By the way, your kid has to earn it in mine. I refuse to think your kid is all that and a bag of chips just because they managed to come out of you! Birth does not make them wonderful. We need to quit letting our children think that breathing in and out all day is some sort of accomplishment.
Look, for those of you rolling your eyes at me and thinking how wrong I am because you know darn well your child is the most amazing thing to have ever graced the earth with the imprint of their feet, let me remind you that you don't really think that and knew it before that kid even got here. If this child of yours is so gosh darn amazing, why did you (or their birth mother if they're adopted) expend so much energy forcing that kid to get out of you! Children are smart, they let the mother do all the work because they don't want to be here, here is not a friendly kindly place. So we push and push and push, in my case he had to be pulled out with forceps he was so determined to stay where it was nice and safe! Remember that. This amazing little piece of grace that tears around your house had to be pushed out into this world. Keep pushing. Out and away! Push them to be wonderful and full of wonder.
Remember those words, use them all the time, "To Me". Tell your children how fantastic they are, special, unique, beautiful, to you. Let them know they've got you in their corner, be their biggest cheerleader! But please don't teach them that rest of us feel that way about them. Teach them that for every other person in the world, they have to work hard to earn that place. I don't love Mr. Rogers because he walked around on the world and was on T.V. I love him because he worked so hard to leave the world better than he found it. He earned my love and respect. He did not expect it or demand it. The only person that will love your child just for breathing is you, don't forget that. Don't let your child forget that. Remember to say "To Me". When your child is fortunate enough to earn the love of someone else, celebrate that triumph, be proud, and remember, once you've earned love and respect, you have to keep earning it, it's not a given.
So, I will leave you with the words to the song as a reminder and some links so you can go visit your old neighborhood. Read them, sing them in your head, sing them to your child. Be grateful that you had a friend named Mr. Rogers who loved you, that your child has the same friend. If no one else likes you, he does!
| You are my friend You are special You are my friend You're special to me. You are the only one like you. Like you, my friend, I like you. In the daytime In the nighttime Any time that you feel's the right time For a friendship with me, you see F-R-I-E-N-D special You are my friend You're special to me. There's only one in this wonderful world You are special. |
| You Are Special By Fred M. Rogers © 1967 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXEuEUQIP3Q http://pbskids.org/rogers/ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mister_Rogers'_Neighborhood http://www.fci.org |
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