Being Neighborly Sucks!

It didn't use to, but it does now, there are just so many damned rules!  Case in point:  I have a new neighbor moving in.  I think she is a single mother.  I've seen two little girls.  I was sitting there thinking about taking over a little something to welcome them to the neighborhood.  Maybe a cake, or some cookies, perhaps, oh wait, hmmm.  Little children, might have nut allergies, or gluten allergies, or milk allergies, or.....Crap, forget it.  I'll take a scented candle, sure, that's it.  Oh, wait, might have perfume allergies.  Ok, keep thinking, keep thinking.  Some balloons?  Latex, crap.  What the hell can you take to say hello and welcome that might not kill them, or minimally send one of them to the hospital?  This is ridiculous.  How are we supposed to put a hand?  I don't know.  At this point I'm thinking about taking them a goldfish!  Crap, they might have a cat.  I am seriously out of ideas.  I've spent hours thinking about this and haven't come up with anything safe.  How is this even possible?

Maybe I need to make a questionnaire first.  Let's see, something like this:

Dear New Neighbor,

I would like to bring you a welcome gift, please answer the following questions to ensure the gift is safe:

1.  Does anyone in your family have a food allergy?  YES    NO
     If yes, please write all food allergies here: ______________________________________________

2.  Does anyone in your family have any material allergies?  YES   NO
     If yes, please write all material allergies here: ___________________________________________

3.  Do you have any pets?  YES   NO
     If yes, please list all pets here:  _____________________________________________________

4.  Do either of your children have any fear of anything, clowns, cars, or tax returns?  YES   NO
     If yes, please list here:  ___________________________________________________________

5.  Is there anything I need to know before I purchase a welcome gift?  _________________________

Thank you for your time and I look forward to bringing you a housewarming gift that will not cause harm to you or your family.

Best Regards,
Your Neighbor