Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Opinions are like a$$holes, everyone has one. Frequently, however, we let our opinions turn us in to a$$holes!  I've got an opinion on pretty much everything, I know, big surprise, right?  I try to keep my opinions to myself, I fail frequently.  The beauty of the blog is that I can get my opinions out and you don't have to read them.  Thank you if you do, good for you if you don't!  (I actually mean that last part)

What I hadn't stopped to think about until today is how often a well intentioned opinion share can be hurtful.  We often think of our opinion as good old advice and offer it up like a surprise Christmas cookie.  The difference?  I love a surprise Christmas cookie, not so much surprise opinions/advice.

I've recently taken a hiatus from the working world, that's all it is, a break.  A few months off is all.
Yesterday my Grandmother very pointedly asked me when I was going back to work.  There was no hiding the anger in her voice.  No discussion.  Her tone was clear, it said "you've had your fun, now go back to work and quit wasting your life and laying around".  It was acidic.  Eventually I got off the phone and felt terrible.  I felt like a lazy good for nothing.  I felt less than worth.  I sat down feeling dreadful and continued with the task I had interrupted to talk to my Grandma, writing my wedding thank you notes.  I finished.  I arranged them so my husband could sign them, put them on his desk.  My son came home from school.  We talked.  I made dinner.  We all ate.  I watched programs with my best friend, something we do every Thursday.  I went to bed, with a weight in my stomach.

Today my husband went to work.  I got up and started cleaning.  As the day went on, I dusted, and thought about my Grandma.  I vacuumed, and thought about my Grandma.  I cleaned the kitchen, and thought about my Grandma.  As the day has gone on I've gotten angrier.  At myself.  How could I have let someone else make me feel badly?  I don't sit around all day doing nothing.  I'm busy, working.  The house and laundry don't clean themselves, dinner doesn't magically appear on the table, nor groceries in the cupboards.  This is the agreement my husband and I made and we are happy with it.

I didn't ask my Grandmother if I should work or not, but she gave me her opinion anyway.  As a result, I second guessed myself and spent an entire day feeling badly.  A few people have expressed this opinion and I've let it get to me each time.  I started to examine this pattern and realized, I get unsolicited advice a lot and I let it bother me!

We so infrequently consider that maybe, just maybe, despite what we would choose for ourselves, that person we're mentally judging, is actually happy living their life that way.  Where did we get off thinking we had the only formula in the world for a happy life?  That our way is the only way, the right way?

Our well intentioned opinions or advice can be hurtful.  We hold in our power the ability to dash another's hopes and dreams, turn a solid foundation into quicksand.  We all think we have the right answers without wondering if anyone is even asking the question.

Solution:
If someone asks for advice, please give it and give it honestly.  If they don't ask, don't tell.